The same thing actually happened for me with music sometime in my freshman year of college. Bored with music?! To my extended family I'm about to be disowned. But I think it's probably been years since I purchased a CD. I still love to sing, and I still love to play a few instruments when I find the time, especially in a worship context, but as far as loving music... meh. I'm kind of bored.
Perhaps the following Scripture can bring some clarity to what I'm trying to express:
1 I said to myself, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is madness. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was good for people to do under the heavens during the few days of their lives.
4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem [a] as well—the delights of a man's heart. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.
10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
Or maybe the following:
10 Those who love money never have enough;
those who love wealth are never satisfied with their income.
This too is meaningless.
11 As goods increase,
so do those who consume them.
And what benefit are they to the owners
except to feast their eyes on them?
During my freshman year of college, I began to feel I was losing touch with the music scene. Maybe that's because they didn't have "free" cable in the dorms yet and I didn't bring a TV with me to school, but I started to get the sense that I wasn't on the cutting edge like I had been in high school. My new friends in college were talking about all these bands that I'd never heard of before, and while I felt like I could potentially like these new bands and become fans of them I didn't want to do the work. I had just spent Junior High and High School developing my very distinctive style and unique "favorites" and the prospect of having to start over on that--to have to learn the lyrics to new songs, research the band members' childhoods and do the musical criticism of picking apart the melodies and rhythms that were particularly interesting so that I could articulate why this was my favorite band and adequately defend my taste to my new peers just seemed... exhausting. Maybe it was the stress of being the only person from my town in a new city doing something I'd never done before (going to college) or maybe it was the common melancholy and existential angst that many of us Americans went through in the winter and fall of 2001, but I just didn't have the time to do what I suddenly realized to be the work of finding new music that I love.
I suddenly realized that if I were to continue on my current track of musical appreciation, it would only lead to disappointment. I could never find enough music to satisfy my ear. I'll always want to hear a new song that I like. Pandora has actually made this frighteningly easy and inexpensive. (I say frightening because the ease of consumption only further commodifies the highest offerings of the musicians that make the music, see the post on the commodity fetish.)
Speaking of the commodity fetish, I think one of the reasons for my recently ended love affair with beer (hopefully we can still be friends) is that I have an appreciation for the process. My Dad home-brewed when I was a youngster, so I knew that if I ever drank beer I would only want to drink good beer, beer that was crafted to fit a style, beer that probably doesn't come in a can. And there are so many interesting flavors, types, and styles to enjoy! Craft brewing and the geekiness that goes along with it appeals to something within me that has evolved into the desire to really know and understand the things that I use, enjoy, and take for granted. There is a lot to learn about beer, like music, and that appeals to me.
But the reason beer and I have decided to see other people can be blamed, for me, on one company: Lagunitas. I haven't tried any of their beer. I guess I might some time in the future, but when a whole bunch of new beers under this label showed up at the pub I frequent, it hit me--the search for new and awesome beer--like the search for new and awesome music is like chasing after the wind. I realized that I had actually given a lot of time and effort to this pursuit, and recognized that while that pursuit may not be bad in and of itself, that there are higher pursuits to engage in that may or may not be more satisfying, but are certainly more beneficial.
I guess what I'm saying is that I suddenly feel relief from the "need" to experience the "new and improved," at least with respect to beer. The inflammation of desire as a key component to the way consumerism functions will be the topic of a future post, but I am thankful, at least in this aspect of my life, to be free of some of that desire.
I actually know what you are describing. I've felt the same questioning regarding music. In my freshman year of college I read a book on Pink Floyd. I immediately had an intense desire for Floyd's first album, "Piper at the Gates of Dawn". I felt that if I got this CD, I would be satisfied for months. A week after buying it, I wanted the next Pink Floyd CD. It never ends. I can remember distinctly the desire to find and buy every Starflyer 59 album, but trying to understand why since the albums were largely the same sound with little variation. There is also the impulse to constantly consume Story, via movies, television, books. I always want to experience a new, good story, while letting old, good stories collect dust. But what is worse in this case is the part of me that feels the need to collect all of a series, even if some installments are bad. Take the British sci-fi show 'Doctor Who'. This show had a 26 year run. You can buy the individual stories on DVD, and part of me wants ALL of them, even though some are really bad. I feel the need to have the complete collection, even though I don't need it and may not watch some more than once. It is an absurd impulse and it really doesn't negate the desire for more things.
ReplyDeleteI can totally identify with the story stuff too! Like, the feeling of I HAVE to own that DVD. Or, even if I've already read it and probably won't read it again for years, I want to know I have a copy of that book on my shelf. I feel a little bit like Pocahontas saying it, but, who can own a story?
ReplyDeleteOh man. 2001. That is sooooo nine years ago. I remember cruisin' in your caddy (Was it a caddy?) back in the day and listening to that Toto cassette. I mean, really, is there anything else? ;)
ReplyDeleteLove isn't always on time. And it was a Pontiac Perissienne, and then the Caddy.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Josh, and I agree with kenyawoodstock--I thought that I needed to collect all of the SNL seasons, and then I thought, "Would I watch these? Do I have room?" Then, I decided against it...I have felt the same about a lot of things--Dr. Who included!
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